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I love my woman with all my soul, she’s smart and pretty
She’s got a heart of gold
She knows how to cook and dresses so fine
I’m so glad that she’s all mine
But no one’s perfect, you know that’s true
There’s just one thing that she can’t do
She tries real hard but misses the mark
My baby can’t parallel park
My baby can’t parallel park
After all these years, she’s still in the dark
Back and forth, and up on the curb, bumpin’ and grindin’
It gets on my nerves
Rockin’ and rollin’ with all of her heart
My baby can’t parallel park
We drove into town one Saturday morn
It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm
Do a little shopping, check out the sales
Pick up some food, drop off the mail
“One-hour parking,” the street sign said
My baby just shrugged and shook her head. “Just one hour?
That’s a disgrace. It takes almost that long to get into the space.”
It’s simple geometry, it’s no big deal
Just angle it in and turn on the wheel
Straighten it out and there you are
Lock all the doors, get out of the car
But to her it’s a mystery with nary a clue
It’s just one thing that she can’t do
She’s searching for something, like Lewis and Clark
My baby can’t parallel park
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2. |
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I’m looking at a two-year-old, big blue eyes and curly hair
Hoping that years from now, I’ll remember being there
And just what it felt like. Now she’s up there on the stage
Dancing up a storm, great big smile and hands that sing
Who could ask for more? Where did the time go?
Our kids aren’t kids anymore. How’d they grow up so fast?
I’m not really sure
Next thing you know, they’re walking out the door
Our kids aren’t kids anymore
He was brash and he was loud, full of energy
He could run and he could jump and scamper up a tree
I still remember
Now he’s tall and mellow, leader of the band
A child no longer that’s for sure, almost a man
Where did the time go?
She’s all grown up and on her own, living far away
He’s college bound and confident, has so much to say
Where did the time go?
Each one is different, yet so much the same
They always seemed to make us proud, each in their own way
And they still do
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3. |
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When you’re happy, I’m happy, too. When you’re happy
I love ya through and through
I’ll gladly clean the attic and even eat tofu
’Cause when you’re happy, I’m happy, too
I’ll express my feelings and I will go to yoga
I will go on nature hikes and I will move to Saratoga
I will watch a foreign film with English subtitles
Even if it’s four hours long
I’ll watch the Home and Garden Channel. I’ll grin and bear it
I will buy a brand new suit even though I’ll never wear it
I’ll eat at fancy restaurants, order food I can’t pronounce
And smile the whole evening through
I’ll do the laundry, I’ll wash the dishes
I will eat whatever you cook
And I will say that it’s delicious
When you’re talking to me, I’ll listen intently
Even if the ballgame is on
When you’re happy, I’m happy, too. When you’re happy
I love ya through and through
It may seem condescending but my love for you is never ending
When you’re happy, I’m happy, too
When you’re happy, I’m happy, too
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4. |
Low Tech
03:05
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I’m low tech, I’m old school
Some say I’m nothing but an old fool
I like to keep things simple as a rule
I’m low tech, I’m old school
Each day I get a newspaper, it’s what I read
That’s news on paper, not some fancy little screen
It doesn’t have a keyboard or a little battery
But you can take it in the bathtub or anyplace you please
When I buy an album, I like to hold it in my hand
Look at all the pictures and read about the band
I’ve still got cassettes and vinyl but make no mistake
I never, ever even thought about buying an eight-track tape
I use my phone for calling people. Imagine that
It won’t play a movie or pull up a map
No information overload and that’s OK
’Cause if my car breaks down, I’ll just call Triple A
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5. |
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If you mention Mike Hessman, that name might not ring a bell
But he’s a legend in his own right with a grand story to tell
He hit more home runs than any minor leaguer ever did
It took dedication, heart and soul, and a ton of grit
He just kept playing ’cause he loved it, living out his dream
Playing baseball for a living ever since he was eighteen
The years flew by just like the wind, he never lost that thirst
Becoming minor league home run king
Was a blessing and curse
It started out in Macon, young Mike just had no fear
1997, he hit 21 that year
Danville, Greenville and Myrtle Beach along the way
The homers kept a-coming on the road to Triple-A
The year that Mike tuned thirty, he was still in Triple-A
Then thirty-one and thirty-two, the time just slipped away
He played in Mexico and Japan, Venezuela, too
Sixteen teams in twenty years ’til fin’lly he was through
Did Mike ever make the majors? The answer is yes
He had cups of coffee with the Braves, the Tigers and the Mets
Fourteen big-league homers, five seasons in the show
With a little luck, he might’ve stuck. I guess we’ll never know
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6. |
Where Is Everybody?
04:53
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Everyone’s on vacation, that’s why nobody’s here
They’re scattered ’round the country, drinking wine and beer
It is not your fault, it’s just the wrong time of year
Everyone’s on vacation, that’s why nobody’s here
We didn’t do the mailing, that’s why nobody’s here
I think we were on vacation, drinking wine and beer
We asked someone to do it but we did not make it clear
We didn’t do the mailing, that’s why nobody’s here
We worked and planned, oh what’s the use
All we’ve got is this lame excuse
But there has to be a reason, an explanation for.
So let’s analyze the situation just a little more
It’s Bingo night at the Elks Club and we just forgot
There’s untold riches to be had, that’s why this night is shot
You just can’t compete with a thousand-dollar pot
It’s Bingo night at the Elks Club and we just forgot
Everyone’s on vacation, that’s why nobody’s here
We didn’t do the mailing and the weather’s warm and clear
It’s Bingo night at the Elks Club and holidays are near
The weather’s really bad, that’s why nobody’s here
Everyone’s on vacation, that’s why nobody’s here
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7. |
Reality Check
02:31
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Think of what you’ve got and what you had before
Are things quite as bad as you say?
Think of what we’ve done and what we mean to each other
Do you really want to throw it all away?
Life’s not perfect and neither am I
And no one’s saying you can’t dream
But I know you better than you think
Trust me, things are better than they seem
Think of us together and think of us apart
Do you really feel we’re better off that way?
Think about tomorrow, think about next year
Is it better if I go or if I stay?
Life’s not simple and neither am I
And no one’s saying you can’t dream
But I love you more than you know
Trust me, things are better than they seem
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8. |
That Old Car
03:39
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The AC was busted, the body was rusted
My wife was disgusted
’Bout pourin’ more money into that old car
She said it wasn’t really all that smart
But it got me where I needed
’Cause I never really needed to get too far
I was really fond-a that ’91 Honda, long on endurance
Great on insurance
You didn’t have to worry ’bout banging up that old car.
And nobody would steal it
If they did, then they really wouldn’t get too far
That old car, I really miss it.
That old car, lots of memories were in it
I taught both kids to drive, saw my honey on a Saturday night
Dragged the equipment to a couple thousand softball games
In that old car
It wasn’t really high tech, had a cassette deck
Was a pain in the neck
To get going on a winter’s morn
It took a while to get real warm
But it got me where I wanted
’Cause I never really wanted to get too far
The mechanic said “no way,” I sold it on eBay
I didn’t have a say about keepin’ that old car
It just about broke my heart
Now I got a newer Honda
But help, help me Rhonda
I’m still a bit despondent without that old car
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9. |
It's Only Money
03:21
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It’s only money, it comes and goes
It’s only money, don’t sell your soul
It makes you crazy but everyone knows
It’s only money
How many times did I drive up and down that highway?
How many dollars did I earn?
What did I gain from all of that heartache?
This is all I really learned
Sometimes you’ve just got to chase that foolish dream
Following that distant light
Then you’ll never wonder what might have been
Who’s to say what’s wrong or right?
There are those who make millions and millions
And all they ever want is more
They couldn’t spend it if they had a hundred lifetimes
Is that what living’s really for?
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10. |
My Last Cup of Coffee
03:47
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Gather ’round the breakfast table, children you will hear
About a midnight ride but not the one by Paul Revere
It was me and my brother, and two cousins I recall
My last cup of coffee and a game of basketball
It was April 1970 when we headed out the door
For a little road trip, set our sights on Baltimore
The Eastern Conference playoffs
The Bullets and the Knicks
We were teenage superfans, that’s how we got our kicks
It was my last cup of coffee, I never touched another drop
Drivin’ home from Baltimore, we made a little stop
I was tired and we were lost. I broke into a sweat
And drank my last cup of coffee, the one I can’t forget
The Knicks won by a point or two, it was quite a show
We saw Reed and Bradley, and Earl the Pearl Monroe
Four excited teens hopped aboard my Chevy 2
With only one licensed driver. That was you know who
I used two creams and a sugar, or was it the other way around?
I was growing weary and I quickly gulped it down
My stomach turned inside out and I began to pray
Wondrin’ how people drink this stuff, each and every day
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Howie Newman Melrose, Massachusetts
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